Friday, April 28, 2017 @ 12:15 AM
I have no idea where to begin, but I do really want to share some of my burdens I can never share with the loved ones as they are as bad as they are. People always perceived me as the 'kind' girl, the 'shy' girl, mostly sitting quitely in class at recess and don't talk much to acquaintances. I remember some of my middle school years, not that clear but I'd dare to say, I was the kind girl no one 'could' hate although some people who perceived my shyness as stuck up did hate me secretly.
But high school was different, I became a more confident person and started to socialize as I more and more realized how imporant to build connection with other people. I have to admit that I love being confident with myself as I no longer need to hide in my shell, trying hard not to hurt other people's feeling because the least thing I wanted was haters.
Gaining this confident was new and fun to me, but in return I 'lost' control of myself. I did horrible mistakes I couldn't revert as hard as I tried to. They are still with me today and to my grave. I am terribly ashamed of some things I did back then. It is now months and months after but I still find myself can't move on from my past mistakes.
I can only try to forgive myself as there are only a few months left before my new life begin in an entirely different city. Some people might say that I am a coward for moving to another city, but it's terribly true that I feel my life and my pride in this city has come to an end, it's not that bad as it sounds but to me it is.
Honestly, this part of moving out is just a small replica of my big movement before I move out to a country I recently known is a good candidate for me to start a new life there. I foremost can't wait for that big of movement and burried all my terrible past behind. I am planning to regain all of my sense and sensibility in the new town as well as in the new country.
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